It seemed to me like a dream, or rather a collective nightmare that suddenly occurred and dominated the world with its impact. At first, it was difficult for me to believe what was happening. What happened? What have we done? What are our sins? What is God testing us for? How can we resist this small body which scientists have been unable to fight?
Staying at home, hearing the bad news about the number of cases, appeals to stay at home, and the state of panic that afflicted the world have made me almost crazy. I went mad every time I saw my mother crying in fear for her daughter abroad, and every time I felt worried about someone I love putting his life at stake to rescue patients and spending sleepless nights to fight this pandemic.
I honoured him and my country's heroes with warm clapping from the balcony of my home. I was feeling proud of everyone who sacrificed to protect their fellow citizens.
Humans can continue living despite the circumstances surrounding them. They are characterized by their ability to learn and benefit from any situation they get into and their adaptability.
This is the first time in my life I have sat at home for such a long time.
I realized that this period is difficult and I did not expect the situation surrounding me to change for the better. Rather I started to create change starting with myself and by using my time.
This quarantine gave me more time, feelings, ideas, and plans for a better future.
I've always thought that sitting with my family face to face for a long time would be drastic. However, I noticed that that had taught me to pay attention to small and simple details. I discovered how my family is balanced and strong in times of crises. I also realized the strength and efforts of my father going to work and putting himself at risk to rescue a living for his family, without prioritizing his health and the risk of this disease given his age.
With some nostalgia, I looked back at my recent past when I used to leave my house easily, warmly greet everyone, and fearlessly get into the crowds.
That is all from the past. This nostalgia stifled me. I regretted every opportunity I missed where I could have left the house. Were we in heaven before?
The idea of leaving the house became frightening. The few times I went shopping, I had a strange feeling of worry and was overwhelmed with sadness for the city, which is almost empty.
ٍSometime I wake up full of hope that life will return to normal, and that this pandemic will become a memory of the past. Other times, I wake up frustrated and depressed and feeling that the world will end and everything is worthless except that me, my family and those I love are in good health.
What a difficult feeling that I felt most of the time during this period. I was very confused. I laughed, cried, suffered, and lost hope. Yet despite all this despair, I found some hope and became attached to it.
I continued my university studies remotely, participated in many interviews, discovered my cooking talent, practised sports, painted, wrote, read, and played. That is how I used to spend my time and distract myself from thinking of bad things.
Between waking up, sleeping, eating and playing, following the news, and some work, days and weeks have passed.
We are waiting for God’s relief since we cannot do extraordinary things. For the first time, sitting at home became a heroic act.
It seems to me that the only victory that can be achieved in this period is to give up on waiting.
I no longer wait for anything: neither the vaccine, the pandemic to end, nor the return of my old life.
My perception of the world and even my interaction with things around me have changed. When I look out of my window today, I look at the world and perceive things differently.
I feel more grateful when I look at the sun shining in the morning. I think about responsibility when observing those who are going out and not respecting the imposed lockdown.
In the end, I realized that faith and hope are the reason for the continued life as long as human beings are alive. Life continues with its sorrows, joys and calamities. Nothing ends until death comes.
I also discovered that people have different colours and races, but we are all humans. We have diverse beliefs, religions but we coexist. Some of us are rich, others are poor. Some are educated, others are not, but we complete each other. It’s all about conviction.
We are different in our despair and hope, but we agree that life must go on. As much as we disagree, we know that people care for people, especially in difficult times, and that solidarity in a way of social distancing is the best cure there is.
Aya Ashram, 23, Management Information Systems, Lebanese living in Al Mina, North Lebanon